It is only now that I possess the courage to confront myself. When he left me, I woke up in a place stranger to me. Everything was a blank. When I looked around me, I only saw arid desert stretching endlessly. It took me this far to acknowledge I was alone even from the start.

Every time somebody asks me to describe myself, I can’t seem to find the words. I don’t know who I am. I have always lived to provide for the others. I have always put off my dreams to give way for the others. They come to me asking if they could take the board exam first, if they could send their brothers to school first, if they could go to school first, if they could borrow some money first, if they could attend to their family members first, if they could get on first, if they could go abroad first, if they could not marry yet, if they could not love me yet, etc. I always gave way and I didn’t mind at first. But when you get dubbed as selfish, money launderer, always the one whose wishes are followed, selfish, with bad personality, ugly, disagreeable, unpleasant, etc., you just can’t help but get hurt. They just don’t know the things I sacrificed for them. I even put their needs and dreams ahead of mine, but they still see me as the one with the problem. That is why I say, if there could be a place where I am welcome…