I was hurt, frustrated and confused when you suddenly did not go home for months. I tried to talk to you, but you did not answer my phone calls. In short, you simply left without even bothering to explain things. Then one day, you said you wanted to move out. I knew you had been wanting to do this all along. Because you had tried to do the same trying to leave me last 2006. It was also around the same months where you suddenly became emotionally distant.

Your true feelings for me were just waiting for me to create one move that would give you the reason to act on your plans. It was a time bomb for me that finally exploded and you succeeded in breaking my heart into pieces.

I was suspended without pay for three days due to tardiness. We have this new policy that if you are late twice within three months, you are suspended for three days without pay. This policy translates you not being late at all for your entire career. I was late on two occasions. What pissed me off was that the last one was just one minute. The suspension days fell upon during the Lenten season, so I had the entire week’s vacation-or an entire week of boredom. I didn’t hit the beach or anything because I was low on cash and had no one to go out with as they were all working. I had wanted to go home, but changed my plans because I avoided the chance they would question me about the breakup and I was not ready for it. Some people during the lent check out the beach or pack up to get the summer away. I was stuck in my boarding house with all the time in the world to think about the man who broke my heart.

I would have been happy because I would have the time to sleep and rest, but it was still as if I was working because I would wake up at the usual time I wake up when I have work. I had been rereading Twisted for a lot of times and it did not help. This insomnia has become chronic.

It was until I was on the verge of going insane that I received a text message from a very good friend who works as a Physical Therapist in New York. She said she was in the country and to meet her that day at Gerry’s Grill. I was not up to the idea of seeing anyone, lest someone who knows me that well given the kind of physical makeup that I had. I didn’t have enough sleep and there were circles of blue under my eyes. They were puffed because I had been crying all night thinking about the love…I can’t help it.

Thinking it was the usual get-together when she arrives from New York, I enlisted my presence as there was nothing else to do and I badly needed to pump up my sagging esteem. Anyhow, I was wondering why when it had not been a year yet since the last time she went home. It’s not like she can just come home if she wants to because I know her employer would not allow that… unless if it is something really important. Nevertheless, I didn’t expect there would be anything special about the dinner invitation other than us getting together as we usually do every time she comes home. She always contact the same people, Lany, Vincent and Me.

After everyone had settled, Lany introduced first Russel…as his new boyfriend…and they are going to Dubai together in two weeks time. I should have known. She and Mark broke up almost at the same time with my breakup and she…stifle sob, sniff, sniff…she has found a new love and they are going to get married in Dubai. “I’m applying for Canada”, said followed Vincent.

“So, what’s your excuse, Madz?” I said, my voice betraying me.

“I am getting married on 29^th and I want you all there on Café George.”

I swooned.

After you left me, and it has been six months now, it was only yesterday that I bought my first utensils which composed of a noodle bowl and an oriental spoon. I also bought some instant sachets of cereal and oatmeals because I am alarmed of the amount of barbecue I eat everyday. I eat barbecue for dinner because there is nothing available at stored during the evening except that.

I remember the first night I ate dinner in my new boarding house. I was eating barbecue and puso (hanging rice as it is called because it is hanged when displayed at food stalls). This is a kind of rice in which you wrap the rice with coconut leaves when you boil them). I didn’t have anything to put my food into, so I used the plastic bag. I placed the food into it and ate into it. I was crying while eating. I felt so small.